So easily the water changes from blue to grey as the clouds take the sun away. That's how I describe my anxiety. Unexpected winds turn a clear sky into a covered one, and with that there's nothing left but cold fear.
My biggest challenge so far is my anxiety. It comes out of no where. The worst part is that I never expect it. It slowly creeps to the surface making it's home on top of my chest.
It's a weight on my shoulders that is almost unbearable at times, but I always overcome it because this is only the start. I know there are many more adventures - many more anxiety attacks - scheduled in my future. I can't quit based purely on my overactive brain.
My main focus for this trip is to gain the mental state that is slowly rising from the ashes of my burnt past. I can't live like this anymore because there is so much more inside of me that has yet to be discovered.
I've tried so hard to better who I am in preparation from my New Zealand hike. I'd hate to see it be ruined by a demon that doesn't want to disappear. Regardless of my acceptance to what has happened in the past, this numbness begs to stay. It's my biggest river, raging against the shores. All I have to do now is build a bridge that gets me to the other side.
I'm not only trying to discover Canada up here.
I'm trying to discover myself.